IT MEANS TOO MUCH

Spencer knew Hotch was angry before he even looked up.

It was the silence.

Hotch had a specific kind of silence when he was mad.

Not loud.

Not dramatic.

Worse.

The kind that made the whole room feel smaller.

Spencer kept his eyes on the case file anyway.

Bad idea.

“Reid.”

There it was.

Spencer swallowed.

“Yes?”

Hotch was standing in the doorway of the conference room, sleeves rolled up, tie loosened slightly.

He looked exhausted.

And pissed.

Mostly pissed.

“My office.”

Morgan glanced up from across the table.

Spencer immediately pointed at him.

“Don’t.”

Morgan lifted both hands.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You were going to.”

“I was absolutely going to.”

Spencer ignored him and followed Hotch upstairs.

The office door shut behind him.

That somehow made everything worse.

Hotch walked around the desk but didn’t sit.

“You ignored a direct order.”

Spencer sighed.

“I made a judgment call.”

“You ran into a building alone.”

“There was a victim inside.”

“There was also an armed unsub inside.”

“I knew that.”

Hotch stared at him.

Spencer hated that look.

Not because it scared him.

Because it didn’t.

Because somewhere along the way, Hotch had stopped feeling like just his boss.

That was the problem.

Hotch stepped closer.

“You could have been killed.”

Spencer looked away.

“But I wasn’t.”

“That isn’t the point.”

His voice was sharper now.

Spencer finally looked at him.

“Then what is the point?”

Hotch went quiet.

There it was again.

That silence.

Except this one felt different.

Spencer’s heart started beating faster.

Hotch’s jaw tightened.

“You don’t get to decide that your life is expendable.”

“I don’t.”

“You act like you do.”

Spencer frowned.

“Why do you care this much?”

The words came out before he could stop them.

Hotch froze.

Spencer immediately regretted it.

Not because he didn’t want the answer.

Because he did.

Way too much.

“Forget it.”

He turned toward the door.

Hotch caught his wrist.

Spencer stopped.

It wasn’t rough.

That somehow made it worse.

His eyes dropped to Hotch’s hand.

Then back up.

Hotch let go slowly.

“Spencer.”

His first name.

Spencer’s stomach dropped.

Hotch almost never called him that at work.

“Don’t.”

Hotch looked confused.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t say my name like that.”

“Like what?”

Spencer laughed once, but there wasn’t anything funny about it.

“You know exactly like what.”

Hotch stared at him.

Spencer could feel the heat climbing up his neck.

This was humiliating.

He should have left.

Instead he stood there like an idiot.

“I don’t know what you want from me,” Hotch said quietly.

Spencer’s eyes snapped to his.

“That’s not fair.”

“I’m asking.”

“No, you’re not.”

Hotch stepped closer again.

Spencer didn’t move.

“You look at me like I’m supposed to know,” Spencer said, voice lower now. “Like I’m supposed to understand something you refuse to say.”

Hotch’s expression changed.

Barely.

But Spencer noticed everything.

He always did.

“Spencer.”

“There. That.”

Hotch exhaled.

“You want me to stop?”

Spencer should have said yes.

He didn’t.

Hotch was close enough now that Spencer could see the tiredness around his eyes.

The small scar near his chin.

The way his mouth pressed into a thin line every time he was trying too hard to stay controlled.

Spencer hated that he knew those things.

Hated it because knowing them felt intimate.

“I don’t know,” Spencer whispered.

Hotch’s eyes dropped to his mouth.

Just for a second.

Spencer noticed.

Of course he noticed.

His whole body went still.

Hotch looked back at his eyes.

“This is a bad idea.”

Spencer’s heart was practically trying to escape his chest.

“Probably.”

“You work for me.”

“I’m aware.”

“I’m older than you.”

“Also aware.”

Hotch almost smiled.

Almost.

Spencer’s voice softened.

“That doesn’t answer anything.”

Hotch looked at him for what felt like forever.

Then he said,

“I care because every time you run into danger like that, I think about what happens if you don’t come back.”

Spencer forgot how to breathe.

Hotch continued before he could respond.

“And I don’t mean as your unit chief.”

That was it.

That was the sentence.

Spencer stared at him.

Hotch looked almost angry at himself now.

Like he had crossed a line he had been standing behind for months.

Maybe longer.

Spencer took one small step forward.

“Then tell me to leave.”

Hotch’s eyes darkened.

“What?”

“Tell me to walk out of this office.”

Hotch didn’t.

Spencer waited.

Nothing.

His voice dropped to barely a whisper.

“That’s what I thought.”

Hotch’s hand came up slowly.

Like he was giving Spencer every chance to stop him.

His fingers brushed Spencer’s jaw.

Spencer went completely still.

Nobody moved.

The whole building might as well have disappeared.

Spencer leaned into the touch before he could think better of it.

Hotch’s expression broke.

Just slightly.

Enough.

Then he kissed him.

It wasn’t gentle.

Not really.

It felt like months of silence finally snapping.

Spencer grabbed the front of Hotch’s shirt without thinking and Hotch’s other hand moved to his waist.

The kiss deepened for half a second.

Then Hotch pulled away.

Both of them were breathing too hard.

Spencer stared at him.

Hotch closed his eyes briefly.

“This cannot happen.”

Spencer’s chest actually hurt.

“So that was what? A demonstration?”

Hotch opened his eyes.

“Spencer.”

“No.”

Spencer stepped back.

“You don’t get to do that and then act like it meant nothing.”

“I didn’t say it meant nothing.”

“That’s worse.”

Hotch looked at him.

For once, Aaron Hotchner looked completely lost.

Spencer hated how much he loved seeing it.

Because at least it meant he wasn’t the only one losing his mind.

Finally Hotch said,

“It means too much.”

Spencer went quiet.

And there it was.

Not a confession.

Not exactly.

But enough.

Enough to ruin both of them.

Enough to make Spencer smile even though he absolutely shouldn’t.

Hotch noticed.

“Don’t.”

Spencer’s smile got wider.

“What?”

“That.”

“You’re going to have to be more specific.”

Hotch stared at him.

Spencer tilted his head.

“You kissed me.”

Hotch rubbed a hand over his face.

“I’m aware.”

“And now you’re pretending you regret it.”

“I do regret it.”

Spencer’s smile dropped.

Hotch looked at him immediately.

“I regret that I can’t do it again.”

Spencer blinked.

Okay.

That was unfair.

Hotch opened the office door.

“Go home, Reid.”

Spencer walked past him slowly.

Then stopped in the doorway.

He glanced back.

Hotch was already watching him.

Spencer smiled again.

“Goodnight, Aaron.”

Hotch’s expression tightened.

Spencer walked away before he could see how badly that name affected him.

But judging by the silence behind him?

Pretty badly.